I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
