why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
