Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
