He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
