I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
