I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
