I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize