VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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