Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
