it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
