I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
