my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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