Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
