Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
