i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
