I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
