Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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