I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
