apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
