girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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