All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
