he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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