why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
