i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
