No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
