This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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