I was born with a shot glass in my hand
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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