I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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