I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
