All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
