dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
