The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
