I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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