Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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