I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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