I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He better not be in your backpack
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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