Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
