Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
