So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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