she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
