I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
