I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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