Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
