I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
