he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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