I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
