nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
