I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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