What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
