she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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