Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
