Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
