Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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