Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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