It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
