im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I want a musical about memes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
