girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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