I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
