i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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