after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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