you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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