at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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