its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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