ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
