Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
