so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
