I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize