singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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