the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
