just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize