i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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